How many times have you heard your wedding referred to as “your perfect day”? Why does everything have to be perfect? It’s as if the future happiness of your marriage depends on it or your guests will have an unsatisfactory experience. Do you feel guilty at aiming for anything less than perfection? Does it mean you don’t love your partner enough if you don’t make everything perfect?
We are all slaves to perfection. We are overwhelmed with it on social media, on blogs, in magazines – perfect lifestyles lead by perfect people. Glossy adverts that are designed to make us feel inferior and to dig deep into our pockets to try to fix our messy lives.
Perfection is an evil master who peddles us the dream of sanitised happiness. Who grinds us down and plays into our insecurities in the most emotionally manipulative way. Perfection is a passive aggressive bully that screws us out of our hard earned cash whilst pretending to care.
A wedding is almost the ultimate context for perfection to enslave unwary couples. All too soon wedding planning can descend into a frenzy of extra expense, stress and concern with details that really don’t matter. Perfection takes hold and drives a glut of guilt and concern that happiness depends upon it. We dig deep into our pockets and emotional reserves and to assuage the overbearing master.
But is doesn’t have to be like this! It’s perfectly normal, preferable and acceptable to have a non-perfect wedding and still to have an amazing day and be happy!
Here are a few suggestions how.
1.Limit the amount of time you spend looking at wedding blogs and other people’s weddings online. By default, a huge number of these outlets tend to show “perfect” scenarios as well as images that are designed to trigger desire and spending. A majority of posts are self-serving and the wedding industry is extremely good at “pulling the strings.”
2.We are completely spoiled for choice in today’s consumerist society to the extent that “choice paralysis” is putting us under mental stress even in such simple activities as doing the weekly supermarket shop! Try to reduce the number of options of things that you look at and accept that you don’t need to keep looking until you find the 100% perfect thing – aim for 70 – 80% perfect. It’s completely liberating, saves you tons of time and stress, doesn’t mean you love your partner any less and nobody else is likely to notice or care!
3.Embrace imperfection, in many ways it has more character. Compromise often involves creativity which is a good thing and we learn from things going wrong. There’s less stress and less expectation with imperfection which can be a great relief!
4.Accept that perfection doesn’t exist. It was the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott who said, in relation to parenting “you don’t have to be perfect, just good enough” and I think that can be applied to all aspects of life. Nothing is really perfect and as long as things are “good enough” we will be fine. In fact “good enough” implies a sense of benefit to be derived from imperfection and making the less than ideal workout.
If you are planning your wedding and looking for a photographer then GET IN TOUCH – I would love to hear from you. You can also download a copy of my detailed client guide “Planning Your Wedding Photography – Everything You Need to Know” by clicking the image below – enjoy!